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Post by Gabe Saporta on Apr 11, 2011 17:54:02 GMT -5
His smile hurt me, I couldn't force one. Not after what I'd been told, what I'd been left with. It was still quiet though, I didn't get that. I guess it's just him.
I couldn't say anything, and the silence for once was too loud. I kept my eyes averted after his smile. I didn't know what else I could do.
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Post by William Beckett on Apr 12, 2011 3:43:05 GMT -5
I bit my lip and shuffled back as my angels eyes avoided mine.
I mouthed his name- my name for him first, but when he didn't respond, his name. I stared at him and waited for something, anything from him.
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Post by Gabe Saporta on Apr 12, 2011 23:00:55 GMT -5
I turned to look at him finally, it hurt just about as much as I though tit would, "You know I"m just a waste of your time right..you should..you should just forget about me."
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Post by William Beckett on Apr 14, 2011 6:47:08 GMT -5
I shook my head, gradually increasing in speed and desperation. I reached out for his hand and choked back sobbing sounds in my throat and searched desperately for words. Anything to make him understand. Christofer is my angel, my light, losing him then would kill me.
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Post by Gabe Saporta on Apr 14, 2011 21:56:48 GMT -5
I went against what I was trying to do, I couldn't push him away. So I pulled him closer, I held him to me the best I could, whispering 'i'm sorry's over and over. I didn't know how to break the news, I still wasn't able to think it.
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Post by William Beckett on Apr 15, 2011 10:07:42 GMT -5
I didn't know I had the strength left in my arms to cling to him the way I did then. I found it somewhere. My hands gripped so tight that my nails almost dug through his shirt. I wanted to hold onto him forever, so no one could ever take him away. Not even him.
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Post by Gabe Saporta on Apr 15, 2011 21:10:30 GMT -5
I swallowed back any emotion my voice might have had before I spoke it quietly, "They want to move me somewhere permanent." There was a quiet laugh in the back of my mind, and I hated it and I pulled the boy in my arms closer just to spite it.
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Post by William Beckett on Apr 17, 2011 6:23:37 GMT -5
I knew his shoulder would be soaked in tears soon, but I just prayed they'd get my message across. He can't leave me, that simple. I needed him.
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Post by Gabe Saporta on Apr 17, 2011 19:42:01 GMT -5
I managed a quiet broken mumble, "I don't wanna leave." And it hurts, and my chest tightens and he shakes in my arms. Nothing ever good enough to make them happy, or I guess, they won't be happy until we're dead.
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Post by William Beckett on Apr 17, 2011 21:19:44 GMT -5
I turned my head to the side, kissing him on the cheek and the neck and over and over just trying to let him know that I don't want him to go either, not without me.
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Post by Gabe Saporta on Apr 17, 2011 22:14:10 GMT -5
I just tightened my grip on him, I was worried it aws too tight, that he'd just snap in half or disappear. "I promise I'll get better, with you I know I can, if I get better they won't take me." I shivered feeling his lips on my skin, it was strange and endearing and I wanted to turn my head and make him actually kiss me, but I couldn't bring myself to.
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Post by William Beckett on Apr 21, 2011 9:01:40 GMT -5
I traced one hand across his back, I wrote to him knowing he wouldn't get the message. I wrote anyway. The message was simple. "I won't get better without you." For my sake, maybe, they'd let him stay.
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Post by Gabe Saporta on Apr 23, 2011 5:20:02 GMT -5
I slid my hands up to his cheeks, turning his head to look at me, and I tried to convey without words the same as I felt he did with me. I almost understood him perfectly, and I wanted him to understand me. Then without thinking I leaned in and kissed him quickly, chapped and bitten lips meeting each other's before I pulled back quickly. My hands still sliding slightly into his soft hair. I looked away and waited for him to leave, for that to be too much.
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Post by William Beckett on Apr 23, 2011 5:28:49 GMT -5
I froze up. I couldn't bring myself to react, to move closer or further away. It's not like it was anything new to me- before hospital I'd often find myself in a different bed each night. It was different with him, though. I remembered feeling like this, with Si-my last Christofer. I was always terrified to get close to him, for fear he'd push me away when he saw what was in my head. I'd distance myself. So I stood there, I held him just as I had been holding him, but I didn't get any closer.
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Post by Gabe Saporta on Apr 26, 2011 22:00:00 GMT -5
I opened my eyes to see him still there, to feel his hair soft between my fingers and for some reason, I broke down. I hated myself for it, they hated me for it, I was weak righ tnow. I bit my tongue to keep the tears from falling even as they slid out anyway.
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